This was submitted by a guest-blogger who asked to remain anonymous. Please enjoy. There are links to a couple of references at the end.
So, when I was asked if I wanted to share my little story, all my anxieties leaped. "What could I possibly have to share? Where does that comma, semicolon etc. go anyway? I know I get lost and just write and write and lose the point.” But then, something happened and I thought… “You know what, heck yeah I am gonna do this thing!” I thought there may be at least one person that can relate to what occurred. I considered that maybe, just knowing we are not alone, that we can get though the absurdities of navigating life, my story could be comforting and maybe, for even a moment, it may help someone laugh or unburden. So, I thought, setting aside my anxieties and putting my ramblings on paper would be worth it. Here it goes.
A while back, my little 8-year-old ball of love and (abundant) energy had a transition from a long-term substitute teacher that saw them as a leader, advocate for classmates and all-around great kid, to the regular teacher who called him defiant, and similar non-flattering adjectives.
My child has never liked school…ever. They find it “boring” and “too easy”. Lucky us…no learning issues. And then came the new teacher and daily calls from the school, calls from aftercare, and an in-school suspension - all for what we thought were minor things. When multiple back and forth emails with the teacher began, it got to the point that my husband and I didn’t want to answer the phone and any contact with the school gave us high anxiety (and possibly a bit of defensiveness). Sure, we had some things at home but what family doesn’t?
We had our child tested and implemented some home techniques to see what we could do to make life better. Testing revealed that, no surprise, we have a smarty pants on our hands; however, one thing I noticed was that their processing was quite low, especially compared to all the other scales. It was still in the normal range but low-normal, almost not normal, and the difference looked significant, possibly statistically significant. (Caveat here, I am a professional that uses data.) Nevertheless, I was brushed off when I asked about processing speed. I was told it doesn’t mean anything. Not one to be brushed off, nor one to ask such a pointed question if I don't already have an inkling of the answer (pssst - I knew this was kind of a big deal), I did my own research.
This long and winding preamble leads me to the actual point of my story: as parents, our instincts about our own child guide us and we don't have to settle for being "brushed off" by those who seem to have the control. When we empower ourselves, we find that the ways we can advocate for our families are much more than what falls in the constricts of schools, services, or programs.
I needed to understand my child's perspective. I wanted to really understand what it meant to have slow, or slower, processing speed. How does this impact my amazing little bundle of energy (whose recently diagnosed ADHD was also a newly discovered adventure)? In the bunny trails of the internet, I found a few websites that seemed to give examples of a day in the life of a child with slow processing and DANG did it not describe my child and give me great insight into what life might be like for my child for EVERY. LITTLE. THING.
I sent this off to our current teacher since she asked for some ways to help my child during specific times in class. I could not believe that, given the depiction of what may go on in my child’s head, the processing speed noted in the testing was not considered at all for informal accommodations or, at the least, even in considering why my child may present the way they do. My kid may not be “defiant” or “impulsive” (well . . . not always), but maybe, just maybe, we're seeing something else here.
After reading these articles, I was able to recognize, in the moment, that when I ask my
child what they want for breakfast, this can be a difficult decision. I can also now see why, after 15 min of me reminding them, this child is STILL (give me strength!) not dressed for school. Or why it has taken countless baths and showers for my child to finally remember they need a towel and clean clothes or a robe when they are done. I am now (usually) able to have more patience and empathy. I am able to ask myself if maybe the cause of their behavior or reaction is related to processing ability and assess if my directions were unclear or had too many steps to follow.
I can’t say my husband and I are always successful, or even 50% successful, at remembering these examples, but we try. I go back and read some of these articles again and again (links provided below) to remind myself how to be a better support my little family.
So, in the end, I hope this information is helpful, but if not, maybe my ramblings were a distraction from the lunacy of life for a brief moment.
For more information on slow processing, visit the links below:
We are so glad you found this of help! Good luck with your journey.
Thank you for sharing this and the linked articles. It helps shed light on behavior that I did not understand and now I think we are going to have further testing done and look at practical solutions to help.