Is it 7...or spectrum?

Insert any age, but this is the recurring question. Is it the "terrible twos"? Do we have a "threenager"?

I've been disappointed in my own parenting many times when, in hindsight, I realized my son's behavior was due to overstimulation or some grand plan he had carefully orchestrated to cope that didn't go as expected.

Don't get me wrong, there have been many times that his behaviors were attributed to just the age. Like when he had a fit because I wouldn't let him have two desserts. As a test, I relented and the fit magically and immediately disappeared. He was pretty surprised when he realized it was a ruse. No double desserts for him! But sometimes it is difficult to differentiate between what needs discipline, and what needs direction. (Not that discipline shouldn't always incorporate direction, but you get my meaning.)

Does screen time need to be taken away? Or do we just need a few minutes in the quiet chair to calm ourselves? Do our friends need to be sent home? Or do we really just need 10 or 15 minutes to ourselves to quiet all of our senses and replenish our stores to play some more? Do we need a consequence? Or a conversation when things have calmed down?

There's no magical answer to the question (unless it is "42" - Google it if you don't know what I mean). By and large the schools don't know the answer; although we have some really excellent educators who try their best to piece the puzzle, just like we do. And sometimes they get it wrong, just like we do. I'm sure we've all had those "talks".

Neurodiversity runs with normal child development. Sometimes it is in the lead, sometimes it is pulling up the rear, sometimes the two are neck and neck, but they are always on the same team. We can't control either one of them, but we can certainly be good coaches.

Just remember, you know your kid best. You are their best advocate. And as bad as we might feel on those occasions we get it wrong, our kids are still going to love us and, hopefully, they will get to an age where they can understand themselves a little more, and in turn, help us understand a little more.

As always, we need to be generous with ourselves as parents. Our kids love us, even when they don't get two desserts!